(Technically speaking I started blogging in October 2014, but I made my WordPress account on September, so….)
Welp, Fiction Realm has just (or about to, depending) entered it’s second year anniversary. I guess I really like blogging huh?
I’d say “blogging”, but as some of you has notice, I only pretty much blog for about once a month starting this year. Something that….I’d explain later.
So anyway, I feel like introspecting this blog since last year are more or less going to repeat what I’ve already said last year (I think my writing has gone better, I’ll keep improving etc.), so I’ve decided for this occasion to just inform you guys about what’s been happening to me in the past year.
Okay, so some of you probably already know that I just started going to university last year right?
Well…… I quit. I guess the reason could all be boil down to the fact I can’t hang out with my friend along me being a coward (Also, Computer Science isn’t as fun as I originally going to thought). The best description I can provide regarding what type people they are, are probably…..dudes bros. They’re not “bad” and a lot of them are very nice, but still……
While the idea that I can’t hang out with them are bearable on it’s own, but there’s a deep discomforting feeling in my chest every time I just seeing them hanging out. A weird mix between lonely, insecure, angry, jealousy…very negative stuff. I know that you don’t have to be friends to every single person on Earth or that you can’t avoid making a contact with people to survive, but nonetheless, I ran away.
My parents, being their very best in dealing with my circumstance, comply with my request and I finally hand in my letter of resignation right around May. Of course, I didn’t plan to just become a NEET. So I decided to take the University Entrance Exam, this time, for the one that’s in my hometown with English Literature as my chosen major. To my surprise, I passed and started going to uni again this September.
Soon however, my dreamy hopes and dreams were dashed once again because the same type of people in my old uni’s Computer Science are also in this new one.
Of course, I tried to hold on this time. Largely because I have no other alternative and I don’t want to worry my parents again. Fortunately, there’s still few people that I can hang out with in new uni. It’s been three weeks since and I’ve manage to get into the class rhythm again, plus I’ve been fending off that “feeling” again whenever it pops up (though it usually ends with me breaking down and crying).
I’m still trying to figure out what exactly the nature of that “feeling” and how should prevent it to ever come up again, but so far I really had no idea. I’d like to limit my interaction with my major mates as minimal as possible, but I do know that I need to make connection in university for me to increase job opportunities, something I also been thinking about soo…..yeah I’ve been busy.
So what does that has to do with me not blogging as much recently? Well that same “feeling” has also popped up frequently whenever I saw lively conversation on my TL which I couldn’t join in and whenever I see someone’s tweet got replies while I rarely don’t. It’s also kind of why I’ve been avoiding anitwitter and, by extension, made me read my senpais blog less and less. Me not blogging are pretty much a mixture of loss of confidence and a way to distance myself from the community.
If you ask how’s my circumstances now though, I’d say that I’m “fine”. I have a lot of worries and fears now, but compare to my NEET period that I underwent after I resign and before this September, I’m proud to say that I’m living now. And….yeah I want to keep doing that for a while.
As for the future of this blog, I’d probably still going to only blog when I feel like with once a month being the minimal target, but I do want to do it more frequently though. I also wanted to write more fanfic and original stories, and even finish my still in draft FF (here’s a hint: it has something to do with an @). Now that I’m studying English as a major now, hopefully I can deliver more quality content.
So, there you have it. Hopefully I can continue this for another year.